Thursday, September 29, 2016

Therapy-Round One. My Dystonia Animal Analogy

ex·tinct
adjective

  • (of a species, family, or other larger group) having no living members.
  • "trilobites and dinosaurs are extinct"

  • synonyms: vanished, lost, died out, no longer existing, no longer extant, wiped out, destroyed, gone, "an extinct species"


So I started "talk" therapy last week because I have finally reached a point where I need to stop fighting and being angry with dystonia. I need to learn live with it instead of spending every day trying to get rid of it. I need to learn coping skills and how to get through the really bad days without dark thoughts clouding my mind. I need a professional so that I can unburden my friends and family who so desperately want to help me but don't know how or what to do.

I was talking with my therapist today and she asked me if I could describe dystonia as if it were an animal. I told her that I have described how dystonia feels in my blog and to friends as my muscles have turned into serpents coiling under my skin. That was not the answer she was looking for. She did not want how it physically feels, but mentally. I asked her to elaborate. She explained that she sees dystonia as a giant grizzly bear in the room snarling and growling at me and constantly on the attack.

That made me think for a minute...

Then I had a clear picture of how it felt. To me, my dystonia is a giant woolly mammoth that will not budge. It just stands there not noticing me trying with all my might to push it away. No matter how hard I try to punch, kick, scream and violently get rid of the mammoth it ignores me and could care less. It is silent and so huge, SO BIG, that it takes up every ounce of space in my life and never leaves me alone. It is overwhelming. It is extinct and and that is exactly how I feel. Extinct.