Thursday, October 6, 2016

Video Update

I had my therapy appointment this morning and realized how incredibly out of control my life is. I have little to no control over what my body is doing. I cannot just get up and go anywhere. When my husband takes me out anywhere it is nice to get out, but the pain is always there and I usually do not enjoy myself very much. I cannot read books to my son anymore because my head shakes so bad. All the joy has been sucked away from my life and everything I do has now been converted to a task that I have to get through. The pain never stops and I never get a break. Sleep is the only break I get and some days I can’t wait to lay down and make it all go away. Many mornings I wake up and wish I hadn't. Some days have been OK. My son keeps me going...

Therein lies the control factor. I have found that if I take 1/2 of an ambien on nights when I cannot fall asleep due to pain or tremors it helps me so much. I am down to 6 ambien tablets and there is no refill and my neurologist is not willing to prescribe this for me.

It is so upsetting and beyond infuriating because I know what works for my body and I have tried every alternative therapy and supplement out there. If they worked I would most definitely be using them and not begging like a pathetic fool for ambien. I have tried the trazodone and carbidoba levodopa that she gave me and it did not work. I am going in for Botox on Monday the 10th. It has been almost a year and a half since I last tried Botox and my last experience was not a good one. Withing two weeks of the injections I could not feel my left foot. It was dragging when I walked and my head was slumped over to the right. Pulling and twisting. I could not lift my hands to my head to shampoo my hair. My husband had to wash and brush my hair for me. The pain was excruciating. My first round of injections that I had before that happened went pretty well compared to that experience. Unfortunately, it only provided minimal relief from my pain and symptoms. apprehension in trying the Botox again is justified but I am in so much pain and this is a different doctor so I am taking a leap of faith and hoping that the third time is the charm and will provide some relief.

Below is a video update.